Clovenhoof's Diary: February by Heide Goody & Iain Grant

Author:Heide Goody & Iain Grant [Goody, Heide]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Satire, Angel, Demon, Humor, Humour, Heaven, hell, Comedy, Birmingham
Publisher: Pigeon Park Press
Published: 2019-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

15th February

Friday morning, far earlier than he would have liked, Clovenhoof was called into the headteacher’s office. It took an extreme effort of will for Clovenhoof to lift himself into something more than a hunched crawl. Over a half dozen years of fairly reckless experimentation, Clovenhoof had discovered that his mortal body was something other than mortal and that there would never be the sweet release of death for him. However, he could still be hurt and it turned out that flinging himself up into lighting rigs and then onto the ground and then engaging in argie-bargie with theatre security, all on a full stomach of cheap buffet food, was at the upper limit of what his body could tolerate.

Now, he was being forced to suffer by a cruel Almighty as he dragged his not-quite broken but severely battered body into the head’s office.

“You look tired, Mr Clovenhoof,” said Mrs Kringle bluntly.

“Life can be hard,” he concurred.

“Still, the half-term break begins tomorrow.”

“Does it?”

“A week of recuperation and…” An uncomfortable look passed across her less than friendly face. “… I would be grateful if you could return after half-term to resume your full-time role.”

“Oh,” he said, brightening slightly. “My contributions to school life have been recognised.”

“Frankly, some teachers — weaker teachers, you understand. Those whose classroom practice clearly needs development — some teachers have struggled to maintain classroom behaviour when you’ve not been there to support them.”

“I hope you’re not suggesting that Spartacus is the cause,” he said archly.

“Never directly,” she said and then looked to the window and stared, like a war veteran reliving the horrors of conflict. “Never directly.”

“Glad to hear it,” said Clovenhoof. “I’m very proud of that boy.”

Mrs Kringle gave him a blank look. “I suppose someone has to be,” she said eventually.

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